Experience and Achievement in Building Self Confidence
When I work with people who suffer from poor self esteem, many more times than not they tell me about a childhood in which they were criticized or sheltered. When studying how self-esteem develops, I looked first at my own personal early life experiences. I was not in sports but I was in Boy Scouts and I consider it one of the most formative of my life experiences. As a Boy Scout, I did dozens of things as a child that otherwise I would not have done. My troop was very active. I went camping, fishing, rafting and canoeing. We built fires and bridges. We hiked long distances in awful weather and we navigated ourselves safely home when lost. Back in those days we fired rifles and shot arrows with bows. We used knives and axes as essential tools and our leaders demanded responsible handling of these dangerous items that we were entrusted with. I swam a mile across a lake in summer camp. I was taught first aid and CPR in case somebody got hurt. I learned to sail boat and ski. Most of all, I learned that I could learn. After Boy Scouts I had a very “can do” attitude about many challenges in my life. Boy Scouts lacked the competitive element of sports that most other boys had, but it certainly confirmed my ability to confront and overcome obstacles. When you become accustomed to overcoming challenges, it’s easier to take on new ones. When you assume you can take on the next challenge and figure out the next problem, you generally have the confidence to do so. When I look at my childhood belongings, I don’t have a lot of trophies. The few I do have I can’t remember fully what they were for. What I do have however is a mental repertoire of things I had done as a child that taught me that I was capable of taking on the world. Many times, simply the experience of having “been there and done that” is better than all the therapy, coaching and trophies in the world. In my own clinical work I try hard to encourage my clients who have anxiety and self-esteem problems to try new things. Even small things at first that have no relation to the specific thing a client has anxiety or a poor self concept about can give a client a sense of general accomplishment and adventure which bolters self esteem. This shouldn’t be limited to people who have a “problem” with self esteem or anxiety. Every person’s confidence and self-image could likely benefit from experiencing a few new things in their life from time to time. You don’t have to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. It could be something as simple as a walk through an unfamiliar forest preserve or trying a new type of food. Each day our lives present us with the option to do the same old thing or to try something different. We don’t generally have to try that hard. Often opportunities to experience new things are handed to us on a silver platter and all we need to do is welcome them. Keep a look out for the next new experience opportunity that comes your way and take it.
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